Third Campaigner Challenge - Party Girl

With all the preparations for making the new movie, this past month has flown by in a blur.  I almost missed the deadline for the Third Campaigner Challenge – Show Not Tell, but I wanted to make sure I participated in all three challenges, so I’ve thrown something together to squeeze in right before the deadline.  Here are the rules:

Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
     • that it’s morning,
     • that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
     • that the MC (main character) is bored
     • that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
     • that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise."   (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).

I showed all the elements, involved all five senses, and included the three made-up words.  And even though it wasn't a requirement for this challenge, my story clocks in at exactly 300 words.  My entry is number 128, so if you like it, please go here and vote for it.  Thank you!

Party Girl

Deena sighed and took another swig from her silver flask.  She almost gagged as the bitter coffee invaded her mouth, but she needed the jolt to stay awake - the constant shushing of the synbatec waves had Girl at beachnumbed her brain.  The flask failed to keep the coffee warm, but was part of her cover, along with the short, clingy dress and forced drunken giggles.

Two days ago, a fourth party girl had been discovered under the pier, stabbed and mutilated.  Deena and her partner Bill were the best in the department, so the police chief had ordered them to stakeout the scene using her as bait.  But the sky had transitioned from black to purple to pink with no appearance from the killer.

The wind shifted, and her nose twitched as Bill’s body odor drifted from where he hid behind the dunes.  She called out, “He’s not going to show.  Go on home to be with your family.”

“It’s not safe to leave you here.”

Deena bit back a tacise retort.  “He only strikes at night, and besides, I’m armed.”

There was only a slight hesitation before Bill’s wastopaneer voice rumbled, “Fine, I’ll see you tonight for round two.”

A few minutes later, Deena sensed someone approaching from her left.  A silky voice enveloped her.  “Hello, beautiful.”

She rewarded him with a wide smile.

He wrapped a warm hand around her arm and pulled her to her feet.

She reached into her purse and curled her fingers around the handle of her weapon.

He leaned down to whisper in her ear, his hot breath making her shiver.  “I’ve got a silly blonde ready and waiting.”

She kissed him.  “Thanks, Tony.  Now we can finally get this party started.”  She yanked the knife from her purse and strode towards the pier.

So did you participate in the beach party?  Let me know where to find your story so we can all wastopaneer together!

Photo credit to Jason Nelson

Comments

Kurt Hartwig's picture

Great turn at the end! Rough going when you can't trust the best in the police force!

Jess's picture

Wow. I. Loved. It. Wonderful job! Awesome twist at the end! Kept me at the edge of my seat the entire time! Voting for you :)

I'm entry #5

juliefedderson's picture

So sinister!! I loved it--great twist at the end.

Fairview Fairview's picture

very original! like the twist at the end. good job!

David Powers King's picture

Was not expecting that at all. A serial killer couple, huh? Yuck, but that was great writing. Excellent work! :)

Sheri L. Swift's picture

Good job with those words, effortless. Good descriptive! Makes me want to read more! ; )

Daniel R. Marvello's picture

Very nice. I'm glad you decided to respond to the challenge. I love that twist at the end.

Jen's picture

Great twist at the end here!

Mine is #25.

K.T. Hanna's picture

This was GREAT! Love the ending and did totally not see it coming. I actually thought it might be her partner.

I would love to read a book about this. Kind of Dexter like, but not!

Valued Visitorbridgetstraub.com's picture

I always find it fascinating when a killer turns out to be two crazies rather one. Nice job. mine is #56

Anjali's picture

Wow. Great stuff, Jocelyn! Love it!

smalltownshellybrown's picture

I'm a judge in the third campaigners challenge and you have moved into the second phase of judging! Big congrats!!!

Jocelyn Rish's picture

Thanks everyone for the kind words!

And smalltownshellybrown, thanks for the exciting news about moving on to the next round - whoo hoo!!

heather's picture

Nice surprise at the end...didn't see that coming at all!

Lena Corazon's picture

Oooh, absolutely loved that turn of events! Wonderful job. :D

Holly Vance's picture

On of my favorites. I saw that twist coming, but I still gasped a little when I got to it.

Cannington's picture

I love your website so many useful posts! 

Jocelyn Rish's picture

Closing comments because of a persistent spammer.